Friday, 16 April 2010

Thou Shalt Not Wear Crocs

The too, too long Easter holidays are over and I am learning that living within walking distance of son’s school brings with it new responsibilities and rules ... commandments that – according to son – I am breaking every day.

Son, it would be fair to say, has the road sense of a three toed sloth ... basically NO idea of left, right, roads, zebra crossings or anything at all that would aid his staying alive on the way to school or on the way back. For this reason, we decided that for this week and this week only, we would walk him to and from school – or at least walk with him until he could see the gates and that we could see him go through them (naturally, from a respectful distance).

It is absolutely verboten to kiss son on saying goodbye to him ... although this is a rule that HE forgets and lifts face up for a quick peck before zooming towards the school entrance to join his friends.

I’ve been using the short walk to meet him in the afternoon as an opportunity to take the dog out for a brief trot. It is on these occasions that I have learnt that the wearing of Crocs is a heinous crime and a cause of massive embarrassment to son who has worked out a way of walking directly in front of me so that none of his friends who happen to glance at the pavement will be able to see what I’m wearing on my feet. Of course, I trip over him and the dog and far more attention is drawn to us than would otherwise be the case.

I am also told WHAT to wear and precisely how much make up to put on my face. I am living in Essex. However much make up I may slap on, I’m never going to present any real competition to the other mothers. I can only hope to be a pale and ghostly imitation.

I give up. I asked son if he would also like me to imitate the other Mums’ accents. He decided against that one but I have been requested not to speak at all.

As of Monday he will be walking to and from school on his own. I will be able to wear my Crocs, speak how I usually do and even go out without two tubes of slap on my face. I can barely wait.


  1. Being the proud owner of my very first pair - don't quite know how I managed to let it slip for this long - I am experiencing similar from my teenage daughters who also seem to require the slap (not just on me but themselves). I'm also banned from laughing or crying if we go to see a film together - really and truly it takes all the fun out cinemas.

    Luckily dogs don't notice shoes, they have much more interesting things to be concerned about!

  2. It does get better! As they leave teenage years, they don't seem to notice you so much. Now that mine is 33 he is very complimentary when he sees me. Mind that may be becasue he doesn't live at home now!!


  3. I thought everyone knew that there is a fashion law against wearing our crocs outdoors. The only exception is our own (back) garden. Of course INDOORS I live in them

  4. Mimi has a similar list of rules to fulfill. Is it shameful that I cosset Bea far more because I know that only too soon she too will reject my advances and brand me "Tragic"?

    Perhaps I should care less???!!!